i've got some issues that nobody can see,

I feel like I've forgotten what true happiness feels like.

I used to be happy about everything.

Ever since we started this secret,

I feel like its the only thing I have to be happy about.

Because I know that for those few minutes,

I am garunteed happiness.

For those few minutes,

There are no problems.

There are no stuck up girls around.

There is no one to tell me that what I'm doing is wrong, or slutty, or rude.

Its just me and you,

And although we promised not to tell,

and we decided we didn't want anyone to know,

I wouldn't mind if they did.

Because they'd be jealous.

And as sick as it is,

I'm not afraid to admit,

that thats my only "happiness" nowadays.

By the way, you're a good kisser.

Gosh, I need help.

I'm so sick of rumors.

I'm so tired of lying for you.

Your secret is even bigger than mine and I've been able to keep it.

What makes you think its okay to tell the person you knew I was most scared of finding out?

Not to mention, she has the biggest mouth ever.

So now everyone knows something is going on,

And maybe they know your secret, too,

But I've been able to convince them its not true.

I've become a good liar.

All for you.

"Best friend."

I'm still waiting for my own happy ending.

Honestly... I don't know why I do what I do.

Maybe because sometimes, you act like you don't care.

Maybe because its exciting.

Maybe because it makes me feel loved.

Maybe because I know its wrong.

Maybe because for once, someone wants to be around me, just me.

I know that if I told you, you'd be disappointed.

I know that if I told you, you'd never trust me again.

I know that if I told you, I'd lose every chance of you ever liking me.

I know that if I told you, you'd never look at me the same.

I know I'd get one of those long, painful lectures.

Maybe thats what I want?

Maybe thats what I need...

Welcome to Existance.

I wish I had one person I could tell everything to.

Unfortunately, I don’t.

I only have people that know bits and pieces of what goes on in my life, noone knows the whole story about anything anymore.

Not that I don’t like having secrets.

Its just that sometimes, keeping everything balled up inside is really difficult.

So I made this blog.