Things I'm excited for:
My birthday
My Vibram Five Fingers
Hoody weather
Ice skating
Haunted houses
Carving pumpkins
Halloween
Sweaters
Thanksgiving
Christmas trees
Christmas
Hot chocolate
The fair
Things I love:
I love my dogs
I love night time
I love early mornings
I love Disney movies
I love rain
I love Nike shorts
I love deep talks about life
I love meeting new people
I love long car rides
I love music
I love blue eyes
I love laughing
I love drinking water
I love pictures
I love Organix shampoo
I love mangoes
I love comfortable shoes
I love sweatpants
I love winter
I love traveling
I love scrubs
I love shopping
I love new jeans
I love good causes, like Toms
I love forever 21
I love kid Cudi
I love going downtown
I love fair rides
I love going to the zoo
I love the tiny shops on the beach
I love open houses
I love good hugs
I love socks
I love smoothies
I love St. Augustine, and all of Florida
I love water slides
I love space mountain
I love my family
I love when babies laugh
I love Harry potter
I love pretending
I love wishing
I love running alone
I love memories
I love adventures
I love new things
I love being me.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Sometimes I feel like being a negative Nancy.
Things I'm scared of:
MEP
Failing
People finding out about the weed
Being alone with BS
Losing the few friends I have
And mostly-
See you at the pole
Things I hate:
I hate trashy girls
I hate being tired
I hate sweet tea
I hate girls who think they are ugly or fat
I hate boys who judge
I hate bullies
I hate the thought of getting old
I hate how much I lie
I hate how we are all hypocrites
I hate writing
I hate government
I hate waking up late
I hate lady gaga
I hate my math teacher
I hate rude girls
I hate TE and CF
I hate secrets
I hate rumors
I hate lies
I hate when people who call ME a whore or a slut while I'm standing right there. Wtf get some manners and some common sense bitch.
MEP
Failing
People finding out about the weed
Being alone with BS
Losing the few friends I have
And mostly-
See you at the pole
Things I hate:
I hate trashy girls
I hate being tired
I hate sweet tea
I hate girls who think they are ugly or fat
I hate boys who judge
I hate bullies
I hate the thought of getting old
I hate how much I lie
I hate how we are all hypocrites
I hate writing
I hate government
I hate waking up late
I hate lady gaga
I hate my math teacher
I hate rude girls
I hate TE and CF
I hate secrets
I hate rumors
I hate lies
I hate when people who call ME a whore or a slut while I'm standing right there. Wtf get some manners and some common sense bitch.
Girls are bitches
So I'm laying in bed, eating Swedish fish, listening to Lil Wayne and Kid Cudi, drinking water, trying to figure out when I should do my homework. I wanted to go to sleep at 8, but see you at the pole is from 6 30 to 8 30, so there's no point in even trying to go to sleep at a decent time. I don't know how things with Bs are going but I hope it works out. We'll see I guess. Buddy club was today, we square danced which was fun. I'm starting to miss having a best friend. I feel like I am on my own.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Ask me out damnit.
So last Sunday, me and bs and ml and sg were hanging out. We went to ep's house and ml doesn't smoke and won't let sg, so the rest of us did. I only got a little buzz so I don't even count it. But bs kept kissing me, and we went downstairs to get a drink and we madeout. He says I'm an awesome kisser, so that's good :) I really like him a lot. I told him that Thursday, and he said "sadly you don't want a boyfriend" so I felt like a complete bitch. But then I told him I change my mind, so now im jut waiting. Last night, I was with sg and bs and ep and we got some more weed and walked by the powerlines and sat down and smoked it. We got really high again, and we just walked aroundand stuff. Me and bs were holding hands the whole time. I had a lot of fun, more than I did the first time. They had to go so I went to Ifs house. Bs hugged and kissed me before I left. He makes me so nervous. When we were walking away, if and sg kept telling him to just ask me out. But he didnt. Idk.
Anyways om and tm were at Ifs. They asked if we smoked. I convinced if I took one hit, and told tm and om that they asked me to but I didn't.
BMs is like a druggie all the sudden. Idk.
Anyways om and tm were at Ifs. They asked if we smoked. I convinced if I took one hit, and told tm and om that they asked me to but I didn't.
BMs is like a druggie all the sudden. Idk.
Monday, September 19, 2011
I don't like this.
TM: Still love you. Just a dumb thing to waste your life on. Don't let it.
Me: I won't.
TM: For real. You have no business doint it. You're a lot better than that.
Me: Ahh, stop making me feel bad.
TM: Not trying. Just trying to make you snap out of it.
Me: I was never snapped into it. I know its bad, I was curious. Yes I will admit, after the first ten minutes, it was fun and I did like it. But I'm not doing it again.
TM: Curiosity is dumb first of all. After ten minutes?
Me: Yeah, at first I ahted how it felt. Its really hard to explain. And curiosity isn't THAT dumb. I wouldn't have done it if it was like, physically harmful to me. I'm not that retarded.
TM: It is physically harmful?
Me: Not its not?
TM: Yeah it is.
Me: Haha I'm not going to argue with you about proben faccts that don't even matter because I'm not doing it again.
TM: You're really thick sometiems. Maybe not once it isn't. But after a while. You start depending on it to feel good. Ask GJ.
Me: If by some crazy chance it became a normal thing for me, it still wouldn't be that often, becaues I'd have no way to get it unless I was with people, and I'd have to be with them for at least like three hours. Its expensive and I have no money. Not to mention I'm to scared to but it from anyone. I did it once, I told you I'm not going to do it again, so I don't understand what point you are trying to get across. I've screwed up a lot before, I know what I'm capable of handling emotionally/mentally, trust me. I can decide for myself, I know how to make good decisions, even if I get curious sometimes. I'm not going to do it again. I was just having fun. One time. And now that my curiosity is out of the way, its not going to happen again.
TM: Okay.
Me: Love you.
TM: You too.
TM: So wrud
HA, I'm not replying to that ?
Me: I won't.
TM: For real. You have no business doint it. You're a lot better than that.
Me: Ahh, stop making me feel bad.
TM: Not trying. Just trying to make you snap out of it.
Me: I was never snapped into it. I know its bad, I was curious. Yes I will admit, after the first ten minutes, it was fun and I did like it. But I'm not doing it again.
TM: Curiosity is dumb first of all. After ten minutes?
Me: Yeah, at first I ahted how it felt. Its really hard to explain. And curiosity isn't THAT dumb. I wouldn't have done it if it was like, physically harmful to me. I'm not that retarded.
TM: It is physically harmful?
Me: Not its not?
TM: Yeah it is.
Me: Haha I'm not going to argue with you about proben faccts that don't even matter because I'm not doing it again.
TM: You're really thick sometiems. Maybe not once it isn't. But after a while. You start depending on it to feel good. Ask GJ.
Me: If by some crazy chance it became a normal thing for me, it still wouldn't be that often, becaues I'd have no way to get it unless I was with people, and I'd have to be with them for at least like three hours. Its expensive and I have no money. Not to mention I'm to scared to but it from anyone. I did it once, I told you I'm not going to do it again, so I don't understand what point you are trying to get across. I've screwed up a lot before, I know what I'm capable of handling emotionally/mentally, trust me. I can decide for myself, I know how to make good decisions, even if I get curious sometimes. I'm not going to do it again. I was just having fun. One time. And now that my curiosity is out of the way, its not going to happen again.
TM: Okay.
Me: Love you.
TM: You too.
TM: So wrud
HA, I'm not replying to that ?
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Please don't interupt my partyyyy
Okay,
so much has changed since the last time I wrote a legit post.
Me and BS had a thing, since like the first weekend of school. It was pretty off and on though, and we were constantly trying to hang out and then yesterday we FINALLY did.
I went over to his house a little before four, and SG and IF were there. They started talking about getting weed. I started thinking and I DID want to know what it felt like to get high, and I wouldn't see my parents until after the football. So I had about six hours. It was perfect. Some seniors brought us the weed, IF paid. It was 1.6 grams aaand a bowl. IF had to go, so once he left, we walked in the wood and sat down in a little clear spot. It was the first time I'd used a bowl. And it was amazing. My throat burned so bad though, and I couldn't stop coughing. We were sitting in a circle, playing kid cudi, it was great. SG kept saying stuff like "You're really cool" and "I wish all girls were like you!" Then they started talking about how high they were, and I still wasn't fill anything. I kept getting the first hits, and I was started to get soo pissed that I wasn't high. But then we started walking out of the woods to go to the football field, and BS started holding my hand, and I didn't really care. Then I looked down at the straw I was walking on, and there was little cities, and I was the giant. I don't remember anything about walking across the street, and then all the sudden everything was kind of slanted. Every ten seconds, I was remember I was high, and I would get so scared. It felt like I was in a movie. I didn't like it, at all. I got so scared I was going to get in trouble. That was going on all the way to the field, every fucking ten seconds. It was hard as shit to carry on a conversation. Anyways, I don't even remember if we were holding hands or not, but SG asked me and BS if we were dating yet, and BS was like "I dunno, are you my girlfriend?" and I just said yes. It wasn't like "Oh, that doesn't seem like a bad idea" it was like "dang, thats a really good idea" But after it came out of my mouth, I realized I was high and I was going to regret saying that. Anyways, once we got to the field, we started talking to Andrea. My mouth got so dry at that point, it was insane. Forgetting and remembering everything started happening less frequently when I was standing still, so I tried not to walk alot. I don't remember alot, but I kept talking to people. It felt like a test, trying to focus and maintain a conversation so they wouldn't know. I started to have fun- a LOT of fun. The lady I bought a fanta from was like from willy wonka, I swear. Anyways, me and broderick half cuddled because I kept remembering it was a bad idea. Once the high was gone, I kind of ditched him and didn't come back. I could tell I really pissed him off, and I felt bad. I left at the third quarter and I went to go give him his hoody, and when I gave him a hug to leave, he kissed me. And man it was kind of great. I toold him last night through text that I didn't know what I was talking about when I said yes to him, and I was completely out of it. We're good now and we've been texting a lot, but I still feel bad. We might hang out tomorrow. I'm excited.
so much has changed since the last time I wrote a legit post.
Me and BS had a thing, since like the first weekend of school. It was pretty off and on though, and we were constantly trying to hang out and then yesterday we FINALLY did.
I went over to his house a little before four, and SG and IF were there. They started talking about getting weed. I started thinking and I DID want to know what it felt like to get high, and I wouldn't see my parents until after the football. So I had about six hours. It was perfect. Some seniors brought us the weed, IF paid. It was 1.6 grams aaand a bowl. IF had to go, so once he left, we walked in the wood and sat down in a little clear spot. It was the first time I'd used a bowl. And it was amazing. My throat burned so bad though, and I couldn't stop coughing. We were sitting in a circle, playing kid cudi, it was great. SG kept saying stuff like "You're really cool" and "I wish all girls were like you!" Then they started talking about how high they were, and I still wasn't fill anything. I kept getting the first hits, and I was started to get soo pissed that I wasn't high. But then we started walking out of the woods to go to the football field, and BS started holding my hand, and I didn't really care. Then I looked down at the straw I was walking on, and there was little cities, and I was the giant. I don't remember anything about walking across the street, and then all the sudden everything was kind of slanted. Every ten seconds, I was remember I was high, and I would get so scared. It felt like I was in a movie. I didn't like it, at all. I got so scared I was going to get in trouble. That was going on all the way to the field, every fucking ten seconds. It was hard as shit to carry on a conversation. Anyways, I don't even remember if we were holding hands or not, but SG asked me and BS if we were dating yet, and BS was like "I dunno, are you my girlfriend?" and I just said yes. It wasn't like "Oh, that doesn't seem like a bad idea" it was like "dang, thats a really good idea" But after it came out of my mouth, I realized I was high and I was going to regret saying that. Anyways, once we got to the field, we started talking to Andrea. My mouth got so dry at that point, it was insane. Forgetting and remembering everything started happening less frequently when I was standing still, so I tried not to walk alot. I don't remember alot, but I kept talking to people. It felt like a test, trying to focus and maintain a conversation so they wouldn't know. I started to have fun- a LOT of fun. The lady I bought a fanta from was like from willy wonka, I swear. Anyways, me and broderick half cuddled because I kept remembering it was a bad idea. Once the high was gone, I kind of ditched him and didn't come back. I could tell I really pissed him off, and I felt bad. I left at the third quarter and I went to go give him his hoody, and when I gave him a hug to leave, he kissed me. And man it was kind of great. I toold him last night through text that I didn't know what I was talking about when I said yes to him, and I was completely out of it. We're good now and we've been texting a lot, but I still feel bad. We might hang out tomorrow. I'm excited.
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