Life.

Life is about taking chances.
Life is about trying new things.
Life is about falling in and out of love.
Life is about having fun.
Life is about appreciating memories.
Life is about finding happiness.
Life is about learning from mistakes.
Life is about growing as a person.
Life is about finding yourself.

Life is such a fragile thing.
My life completely flipped around within just a few months, and it has gone downhill ever since.
I sent a message to a friend a while ago, saying this:

"Hey. I know this is incredibly random, but I don't want to act like someone I'm not anymore, and I'm sick of lying, and I think its time to just take responsibility for my actions/mistakes. I wanted to tell you that all those rumors (most anyway) aren't exactly "rumors". I'm very ashamed of myself. It was trashy, inappropriate, and it changed me in ways I'll never be able to change back. I'm embarrassed of myself, I feel like the "me" six months ago would never even consider doing things like that. I used to be very opinionated about this kind of stuff- I thought it was trashy and I wanted nothing to do with anybody that did things like that. I'm not sure what happened or why I did it in the first place. But I know I did it for all the wrong reasons.For example, I loved the thrill of it, to be honest. I loved knowing that I was actually getting away with something like that. I loved knowing that people would never find out (boy was I wrong). And even though I hate to say it, I loved feeling wanted. But I think every girl loves that feeling. I just let it get the worst of me. Nothing good has come out of this. I'm beginning to feel like some of my friends are only still my friends because I lied and made them thing I was the innocent girl that I will never be anymore. I hate that nobody can look at me the same anymore. I don't blame them, I am completely different now then I was before. I used to have way more confidence in myself. I lost all of that confidence. I used to have all of the self respect in the world. Thats gone too. And stuff like confidence and self respect doesn't just get there easily. It takes a lot for somebody to get that way. And sure, I will eventually gain my confidence and self respect back, but never the way I had it before. I'm telling you all of this because you are my friend, you have been for three years. We've been through it all, and I hope this doesn't changeanything. I know you'll look at me differently, everybody has told me that. But I promise that wayy deep on the inside, I'm still the same person. I regret everything, I don't plan on doing it again (He knows that. The farthest we've gone is making out. I'm keeping it that way.). I love you, and I trust that you won't share any of this with anyone (I don't just pour myself out like this to just any one). And if anybody asks you if its true or not, just tell them to talk to me about it. Because I'm sooo past denying it and pretending I don't make mistakes. Yes its going to be hard but I'll get past that too. One of the biggest problems is me and Jesus. I have absolutely no relationship with him anymore. And unfortunately I can't go to PHAT camp, but I really need it. I hate how this has pretty much scarred me for life, I am forever changed. I've learned alot though about who I can trust and who my real friends are. I hope this doesn't change anything. I hate that I lied to you and everybody else about it, and even ended up fighting with ya'll, knowing that it was all just a big lie. At first, back when all that drama happened, I didn't regret it. I didn't realize how stupid it was, and I definitely wasn't ready to admit to it. But yeah. That was then. Sorry if it seems like I'm just throwing all of this at you, I just feel like I owe it to you."


I'm searching for a way to repair myself. The only way I've come up with is Jesus. I need Him. I need God in my life. I just don't know where to begin.

Eighth grade changed me so much.

I hate that.