"Who said nights were for sleep?"

"This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babve, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about." -Marilyn Monroe.

Today, I have concluded that I am unsure of everything. Part of me thinks I need to start making more wise decisions. Another part of me thinks I should just keep having fun and being young, because I know that being young won't last forever. The rest of me thinks I should just fuck it, stop planning ahead, and just live in the moment and see what happens.

Whichever I choose, all of me knows that I need to stop letting my life revolve around The Secret.

Ahh, The Secret. It keeps growing, growing, growing... I can't control it although I know I have full advantage. None of it makes sense. It seems like a fantasy; its so hard to believe that this is actually happening. Its hard to get a grip on. A year ago, I wasn't even dreaming of this. I never thought I'd do it.

Its constantly on my mind.

I'm going to challenge myself to post everday, or close to everyday, for a year. I'll answer the same three questions every day:

What did you do today?
How do you feel?

Any other comments, notes, etc?

After a year, I'll look back and read them. It should be interesting...

Day One.

What did you do today?

Woke up from a friend's, went to church and lunch with her and her mom, then spent some time shopping with Mom. Got athletic shorts and a romper for summer. I'm home now, incredibly tired, gonna be celebrating my brother's birthday in a little while.

How do you feel?

Confused. I'm not sure what to do about anything any more.

Any other comments, notes, etc?

Friday night, I spent the night at my best friend's. The Secret grew, a lot. And her mom was right down stairs, asleep... As exciting and thrilling as it was, it was pretty irresponsible and stupid, we could have easily gotten caught. I don't regret it though. Anyways, it lasted until about 3 AM. Saturday we woke up and nothing exciting happened, just us hanging out. We did have a really deep talk about The Secret though. I've never had such a deep talk with anybody before. We've become really close... Then I went to an old friend's house. We caught up a lot. I told her about The Secret, turns out she has a Secret of her own... I'm so relieved, and I'm glad I told her. One more person that understands. She also told me that she had gotten drunk with a friend. She showed me a video of it, I'm curious to try...