Oh I Wonder.

I wonder if, a year from now, when I look back and read all of these, I wonder if I will remember the deep story behind each blog. The meaning behind it. The reason for that feeling I had at the time.

I wonder if I'll WANT to remember this Hell that I'm going through.

I feel like there is only one person that makes me feel happy, truly happy.

His hugs, his smile, his laugh. The feeling of his soft curly hair brushing against my face. The comfort I get when his arms are around me. I could hug him forever. I feel secure, I feel safe. I feel like nothing else matters.

I love that he always knows what to say and when to say it. I love that he knows when I'm uncomfortable with something. I love that he notices when something is bothering me. I love that he doesn't judge me.

I don't want to lose him.

I think I have a new best friend. MM. I can tell him anything, and he just sits, just listens. Its great.

I hate that I get jealous so easily. I just don't understand how people's minds work. Does she honestly think its okay to flirt with my boyfriend? She had the chance to date him, she turned him down.

I can't wait for summer. I'm constantly imagining all the days. Days spent RM, days spent swimming with MM, days spent tanning and gossiping with MP. Tons of different things. I can't wait. No more dealing with rumors.

Theres a party Friday.

I guess I'll go.

I feel lost sometimes. Like I'm getting pulled deeper and deeper into a forrest of unfamiliar people...

I was thinking today, and the thought of going into depression popped into my head... I would never admit that to anybody. Maybe MM, but thats it... I'm scared that I'll go into a depression. I'm terrified.

I'm making a promise to myself... to stop talking about people, and to be a nice person. Because I finally understand what its like to be bullied... Such a terrible feeling...

I was bad last Friday.

Do I regret it?
I don't know.

I didn't do anything slutty, in my opinion.

Others might think of it as a little bad, but not the worst that I've done.

I liked being held in his arms.

I spent my first night with a boy. <3